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Dealing with Loss: ‘Grief’ it’s not the final emotion

By: Vanetta Vincent, Contributor

Death comes in many forms. For some people it hits them like a lightning bolt, but for others it’s a long painstaking process filled with fear and worry, as you watch your loved one depart this earth.

In my case it was a combination. My father passed away when I was 22 and my mother seven short years later when I was 29. Here I was a fully grown woman, but in my mind I was as much of an orphan as any young child who had lost their parents. After the death of both my parents, I entered a level of grief that was unprecedented.

When dealing with grief, there are many ways and avenues available to help one cope. While research outlines the many stages of grief, one things remains constant, there is no real timetable to when one “gets over it.”

Dealing with grief and loss impacts people in a myriad of ways; some people shelter themselves, enter a state of depression, or some use it as a driving force to make the most of their life.

I took my time with my grieving process. Plenty of times I attempted to shelter myself, but often found that my family would not allow me to willing enter a depressive state. I also attempted to come to grips with my situation. No, my parents were no longer with me, but they had instilled in me the tools to survive without them. I began to channel my grief and to find communion with others who were in similar situations.

As a social media lover, I created a Facebook page called “My Mom Is in Heaven.” Although it targets people who have lost their mothers, the page is open for anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved a one.  The interesting thing about the page is that it runs itself. So many people are out there who are just like me. I frequently receive messages or posts from people looking to deal with the loss of their loved one.

The only thing I ever want them to know is grief has no limit and even at the peak of sadness, it really is okay. It is okay to feel that way. It is okay to miss your loved one. It is okay to cry, but just don’t stay there. Get out and do whatever you can to make your loved one proud.  That’s how I dealt with grief.

I live my life just the way my parents groomed me to live it. I travel, I laugh, I love, but most of all I live and because I live, so do they.

In Loving Memory of Veronica “Piney” Porter Wilson April 6, 1969-May 7, 2015

 

 

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